Spotting the Signs

Abusive Behaviours

There are many ways an abuser abuses. Abusers seek to gain power and control over another person or person. It can often start off small, with lots of different events that gradually chip away or erode confidence. Survivors have said domestic abuse makes you feel that you are losing your “sense of self” and that you can’t trust your own judgement or feel you don’t have the right to make decisions.

Below are some examples of abusive behaviours

Physical Abuse

Hitting
Slapping
Punching
Throwing/smashing objects
Shoving
Kicking
Burning / scalding
Choking
Biting
Using weapons and other objects to cause injury

Financial Abuse

Requiring every penny of the household or other funds is accounted for
Withholding/taking money
Imposing an impossible ‘budget’
Taking money/controlling access to money
Having unknown accounts
Undermining efforts to find work/study or refusing to allow work/study
Making the survivor beg for money
Taking out loans and/ or mounting debts in survivors name

Emotional Abuse

Blaming the survivor for their problems
Withholding love and affection as a form of punishment
Name calling
Making the survivor feel worthless or valued insofar as they meet the needs of the abuser
Degrading or demoralising the survivor
Deliberately silencing the survivor

Psychological abuse

Blame
Intimidation
Gaslighting (making the survivor feel like they are going crazy)
Threatening to inflict injury/ harm to self
Put downs
Denying/minimising the abuse
Threats to harm others (incl. children and pets)
Stalking
Using threatening looks and gestures

Sexual Abuse

Forcing engagement in sexual activity
Refusing to practice safe sex
Treating the survivor like a sex object
Demanding sex
Criticising/discounting feelings regarding sex
Making the survivor wear clothes they haven’t chosen
Sexual name-calling

Spotting the Signs

In the context of intimate relationships abusers are rarely abusive in the early stages. Healthy excitement at a new potential partner is good. However, here are some early warning signs that a relationship may be/become abusive: 

Relationship often very quickly becomes intense and fast paced.
Early, premature commitment.
Abusive partner tries to “take over” their partners life, for example by offering to solve problems.
Abusers often try to disable their partner through the support that they offer, stepping into the decision making process and encouraging reliance on them very early on.

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What is Domestic Abuse?

What is Domestic Abuse? The UK government’s definition of domestic abuse is: Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour,  violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: Coercive Control Psychological and/or Emotional Physical Sexual Financial or Economic Harassment
Help for Family and Friends

Domestic Abuse can happen to anyone and the chances are that you may know someone impacted by abuse – a parent, sibling, friend or colleague who is experiencing abuse or has done in the past. If you are trying to support someone, unless the person confides in you and are open about their experiences it can be difficult to address your concerns directly.

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Level 3 Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (IDVA)

Each year more than 100,000 people in the UK are at imminent risk of being murdered or seriously injured as a result of domestic abuse (Safe Lives, 2015). The IDVA course designed for professionals working with families affected by domestic abuse. This qualification will enhance professionals’ practical knowledge, improving the response and ensuring the safety of victims and their families.
J9 Initiative

The J9 Domestic Abuse Initiative aims to raise awareness of domestic abuse and assist survivors to access support safely by training professionals and members of the community to recognise domestic abuse and respond to survivors. Once J9 trained, the J9 logo is displayed, letting survivors know that they have a safe place to access information and use a telephone to contact support services.
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Level 3 Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA)

The Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) 2022 estimate that 2.3% of adults aged 16 years and over were victims of sexual assault (including attempts) in the previous year. This course will build your skills, knowledge, and confidence when supporting victims of sexual abuse including victims from reporting through to the court system.
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Safer Places has 8 refuges across Essex and Hertfordshire, including specialist therapeutic refuge spaces for women with multiple needs and women with no recourse to public funding. A refuge is a temporary safe home where survivors of domestic abuse and their children can stay. It is staffed by experienced and dedicated support workers who provide individual client led support and help survivors find new safe accommodation. Our accommodation includes a combination of self-contained f
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If you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you are not in immediate danger and would like to talk to us about your options, call our helpline on 03301 025811. We will provide you with the support and information you need to consider your options and decide what to do to improve your safety and that of your children.