Some of the signs of domestic abuse, such as physical marks, bruises, cuts, scars and burn marks may be easier to identify. However, domestic abuse is not limited to physical abuse, and many victims may never experience physical harm. Perpetrators of domestic abuse have various ways of asserting power and control over their victims – the signs of some (especially those non-physical) may be more difficult to identify.

Perpetrators of domestic abuse may use (this is not an exhaustive list):

Physical abuse:

Hitting
Slapping
Punching
Smashing objects
Shoving
Kicking
Burning / scalding
Choking
Biting
Using weapons and other objects to cause injury

Emotional and psychological abuse:

Blaming the victim for the abuse
Withholding love and affection as a form of punishment
Name calling
Accusations of the victim being ‘too sensitive’, ‘too emotional’, ‘hormonal’ etc
Degrading or demoralising the victim
Gaslighting (making the victim feel like they are going crazy)
Minimising or denying the abuse
Threatening to inflict injury / harm to self
Threats to harm others (including children, other family members or pets)
Using threatening looks and gestures

Financial (economic) abuse:

Withholding / taking money
Denying access to bank accounts / money
Imposing an impossible ‘budget’
Hiding or taking funds
Changing your will against your wishes
Undermining efforts to find work / study or refusing to allow work / study
Making the victim beg for money or ask permission before spending money
Taking out loans and / or mounting debts in the victim’s name
Refusing to pay child support

Sexual abuse:

Forcing engagement in sexual activity
Refusing to practice safe sex
Demanding sex and getting angry or aggressive when told ‘no’
Making the victim feel bad when they do not want to have sex / are ill / injured / tired
Criticising / discounting feelings regarding sex
Making the victim wear clothes they have not chosen
Sexual name-calling
Forcing to watch pornography or look at sexual imagery

Tech or online abuse:

Sending abusive messages, texts, or e-mails
Constant phone calls
Requesting to share location
Limiting the victims access to phone / internet
Sharing intimate photos without consent
Using hidden cameras and microphones
Accessing and controlling online banking

Coercive control:

Isolating the victim from their friends and family
Monitoring their time
Monitoring their social media and devices
Using spyware
Checking up on the victim
Accompanying them everywhere they go
Controlling every aspect of the victims’ life, e.g., how they look, who they see, who they talk to, what they eat, how much exercise they take, when and where they can sleep, etc
Depriving the victim of access to support

Remember, domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, age, race, ethnicity, religion or disability. If you feel you need to change your behaviour because you fear how your partner, ex-partner or a family member will react, this may be domestic abuse.

How would I know if I’m being abused?

It can be difficult to know whether you are experiencing domestic abuse, but we have prepared a list of questions that may be helpful in spotting the signs.

Have you:

Felt or been told you should give up activities or hobbies to spend more time with your partner?
Been told you should spend less time with friends and family and prioritise your relationship?
Been avoiding upsetting your partner (walking on eggshells)?
Felt responsible for your partner's happiness?
Been apologising for the behaviour of your partner? 
Been doing things just to please your partner? 
Felt like you need to hide interactions with others because your partner is jealous?
Been told it is always you, e.g., you are always wrong/late/screwing up etc.?
Been told how to look, what to wear, where to go, who to see?
Have you been confused and scared of your partner’s unpredictable behaviour?

Felt they are playing ‘mind games’ with you?
Felt or been pressured to have sex when you don’t want to?
Been expected to answer phone calls and text with a time limit?
Intimidated and frightened of your partner?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it may be possible you are experiencing domestic abuse in your relationship. Remember, you are not alone - we can help you.

Get in touch:

Remember, everyone has the right to live a life free from fear and abuse.

If you're experiencing domestic abuse or are worried about a loved one, please get in touch.