I have concerns for someone I know - what can I do?

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience domestic abusive in their lifetime, so the chances are, you may know someone impacted by abuse – a parent, sibling, friend, or colleague who is experiencing abuse or has done in the past.

If you are trying to support someone, unless the person confides in you and are open about their experiences it can be difficult to address your concerns directly.

Knowing what to do when you are worried for someone you care about and supporting someone experiencing abuse is difficult – try and make sure that you look after yourself during this time and do not put yourself at risk. It is important that you do not speak to the abuser – this can put yourself and the other person at risk.

That said, there are some basic things that you can do such as:

Listen
Let them know that you believe them and acknowledge that it is a big step to tell some-one what is going on
Take it seriously, recognise that they may be very frightened and at risk of harm
Let them know that it is not their fault – it is not unusual for abusers to blame the victim/survivor and for the victim/survivor to also then believe they may to blame
Do not tell them what to do – encourage them to explore their options when they are ready, in their own time. Leaving an abusive relationship can be a dangerous time!
Be supportive and let them know that there are local services they can contact for information and advice, and experts who can help
Explain that the support services are not going to force them to do anything; they will support them in any choice they make
You can offer to go to appointments with them. This could be seeing a solicitor or reporting the abuse to the police if they want too
Consider anyone else that might be at risk, are there any children or other dependents or pets in the home?
Encourage them to access health services if they need too – they may be feeling low or have suffered physical harm
Offer a safe place for them to store important belongings, correspondence, important documents, money, medicine, or an emergency bag
Develop a code word which they can use to communicate when it is not safe for them to talk to you, or if they want you to call the police on their behalf
Continue your support even if they decide that now is not a good time for them to get support or to leave. Don’t force them or judge them!

Remember, everyone has the right to live a life free from fear and abuse.

If you're experiencing domestic abuse or are worried about a loved one, please get in touch.